You Are Selfish and Self-Obsessed


Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.
— Khalil Gibran

Oh my! How do I start this. How about, “Hello. You don’t know me, but I’m going to kill you… Can I come in?”

That’s what you’re probably thinking now. As you start to read this. Such inflammatory, judgemental words after all – “How very dare you!”.

Or maybe you’re thinking, “What do YOU know about my life!”

Or how about, “How the hell is THIS going to help even if it’s true!”

I’m sorry. But it is true. And you need to know this, you need to see it for yourself. Because you really are selfish. And you really are self obsessed. By definition. Of you being a thinker. Of you giving meaning to that thinking. Your thoughts, and no-one else’s. Your meaning. Based. Around. You.

Any you. Any life. It’s true.

And truth liberates. If you let it. The truth emancipates.

So, let’s rewind, then, and make this a bit more palatable.

Let’s assume I’m not talking about you, per se. Let’s presume it’s me that I refer to here. Or them. Or anyone, but you. Let’s start there, and see how we get on.

You. (And I mean me.) You are selfish. And you are self-obsessed.

You think about yourself all the time. How does this affect me? What does this say about me? And what does it mean?

Self. Self. Self. You. You. You.

Even your acts of selflessness are about you. Thoughtful you is trying to impress. Or living up to expectations. Or just showing off. Same goes for generous you. And considerate you.

As for the you that puts other first. First and foremost, you do that for you. How it makes you feel about yourself. How others see you. What type of person or parent or partner you become. You, you, you.

Selfish you is merely unmasked you, true you, the you without the disguise.

And there’s nothing wrong with this. Nothing. This is just how it is. With you, and every other you alive on this planet today.

You are obsessed with thinking about you. She is obsessed with thinking about herself. They, with themselves.

Yes, everyone is selfish. Everyone. A self-created reality, with you at the centre of its universe. By default.

The carer that devotes the best part of their life to another. That does what’s ‘right’ rather than what is necessary. That fails to take care of themself. Selfish. And self-obsessed.

Obsessed with appearance. Obsessed with opinion. Obsessed with integrity, and notions of authenticity.

The self-righteous one.

The victim one.

The tired and tearful one.

Selfish. And self-obsessed.

The one with problems, so many problems.

The one that thinks too much.

The one with anxiety issues, and panic attacks.

Selfies. Self-ish. Selfish. (And self-obsessed.)

The one that can only find fault. The one that can only discourage. The one that hides away from controversy.

ALL the same one. All selfish. All self-obsessed.

It’s everywhere. Everywhen. Everywhy. You think I am just talking about you, but I am not. You are so not special. You are so not unique. You are so like every other.

All selfish. All self-obsessed. And all suffering so, because of it.

But it’s not your fault. It’s always about you. Because it IS about you. About what you think. About what you notice. And allow. And what you make of that thinking and noticing and allowing. Always. And you can’t help it. Until you can. Until you notice the self-obsession, the getting in your own way, the making it all about you. Until then, you’re just like the rest of the self-obsessed us.

So you don’t have to live like this. There’s no need for such sacrifice. Martyrdom really is a lost cause.

How to think less of yourself, then? Just think less. Get out of your head. And into your heart. And into the hearts of others.

Feel. Come alive. Listen. (And notice what happens when you.)

True selflessness is impersonal. It does not involve you at all. You are just not there.

No ego is involved. No ego is being pandered to or rejected. The ego has flown the nest. Albeit temporarily. And ‘thy will be done’. A right action occurs. Unbothered by appearance. Or accountability. Or laws or morals or integrity. Unaware of itself. A self-less act.

And you do it all the time, you do. These self-less acts. When you remember to forget.

The act of love. In the moment. You doing what needs to be done.

The act of deep listening. Of noticing. You seeing for the first time.

The humble act. Of apology. Of being real. Of being you.

The act of feeling, not thinking

The dramatic rescue. A life put at risk. “Anyone would have done what I did.” Heroic everyday actions. With no time for thinking. By you, or someone like you. When you’ve forgotten yourself. Who you’re meant to be. When you’ve remembered Who You Truly Are.


You are selfish, and self-obsessed.

Can I go now?


Agree with what I’ve shared here? Disagree? Still got questions? Then please leave a comment. ????